LIke Amelie... :)

Now jus very interesting situation happened to me that I just need to write it down…:)

I was going from my fit class home, in my ears music from my ipod- almost dancing in the latino rhythms.. in hurry almost running cause I had planned skype chat with my boyfriend... I was leaving the tram ad suddenly somebody caught my hand.. I got scared but then I saw it s some Asian girl that looked even more scared than I did trying to ask something… she was asking about some street and some hotel.. I did not have ANY clue where it could be..

what I would do normally like 1 year ago: I would say I m sorry I don’t know where it is and I would leave..

What I did today: I took her the business card of the hotel, called to the reception, asked them where they are and how to get there.. (the receptionist was sooo slooooow..) but then I got the direction I explained them where to how I wrote them down everything so that they arrive well..:)

And after that I felt sooooo great!!!!

It just remind me one thing when I was kind of lost in Argentina..

I came to Mendoza and I was supposed to meet some AIESECer that I have never seen before and he had neither ever seen me.. I even didn’t know if they got my email that I would arrive, I just had some phone numbers that finally did not work..

.. I just hoped somebody will pick me up.. I sit down on a bench…it was like 5 a.m. Me- almost no sleeping in the bus- veeeeryyy tired.. I waited, waited, like an hour.. nobody appeared.. my eyes were closing..

So I wrote a on a big paper AIESEC I put it on my bag on a visible place and fell asleep.. Suddenly somebody is shaking me… I just got scared what happened, and in the first minute I was thinking where I am.. One lady next to me was telling me that they are looking for somebody from the information desk- I listened to the speakers but it was not me.. so she started to ask where I m from where did I go to etc.. so I said her my story that I was supposed to meet someone who didn’t come and the phone does not work …She said: “ give me the number I will call”… So she called- and realized I had a mistake there, so called another number- suddenly it was working she gave me this AIESEC guy, I talked and solved everything :).. then we spent some time talking until she had to leave.. I just said to myself wooow this would never happen in my country….)

I felt so good.. and I said to myself that once I will do the same..

So I did.. Today J.. and I hope the Asian girl will once do the same..

Smiling.. like Amelie.. saving the world :P…

How does it feel...

It s already one month at home so I maybe just wanted to share some things how it is for me to be here now in Czech Republic coming back from Latin America.. here are some words that characterize my stay here..

SURPRISE

Yes surprised from me and the world around.. surprised from so many little things I never realized before. Surprised that before it was so much OK and now its soooo DIFFERENT.. examples…

I never realized how tall are the people here!!! Especially the guys! My god! I never perceived us as tall nation but now I get into the bus and all of them are as tall as I am or taller what in Chile I could see faar faaar in the metro or in the bus J… shock!

I never realized how much make-up our girls wear! I never realized how much they care about themselves! But also really - how pretty they are J! And how many BLOND girls we have! Really I never notices we have some many “rubias”…:P

I never realized how much hard rock, rock and metal we listen.. I was waiting for something kind of more “danceable” at the disco.. I would have beg for reggeaton or salsa in that time! This was too much “drummy” and “hard” and.. well.. European……:P..

I never realized that we really over –over-heat the houses.. I know we talked about that we use a lot of heating but this is too much! (Now I have to say I m in my dormitory room- outside like 0 degrees inside like 26..) I almost died in the bus backhome where was soo hot that I was sitting just in T-shirt and my lips got totally dry, although I had a bottle of water.. this is TOO MUCH energy wasting!

HOW RICH WE ARE! . Generally- the state social system very much supporting the poor families, people without jobs, children without parents etc etc- here who does not want to be on the street has many choices not to be- many choices to get back into life, to have a roof and food and support... When I see “our” homeless here- each of them- is totally wasted, drunk.. totally totally totally..from the morning to the evening.. and many of them- woman/ man have bloddy faces.. they are rude and noisy..

These people made a choice to be on the street and this I somehow never realized before I saw a real POVERTY… I hear people complaining here.. I would just make them to shut up.. they don´t know how LUCKY they are that they have roof above their head and everyday something to eat… we were talking with Evca Mikita she said: “ I would send every person from here to India to see and wake up” yes.. could be cool :)

CONFUSION

I came back to something what was well known before, I have the same dormitories, same roomie ;) same school, I live in the same city, have the same friends.. aaand guess what? It s not the same ! Suddenly I just realized that now I CANNOT live the same life I lived before .. simply because now other things make me happy, I have another priorities and requirements..

PERSONAL CHANGE

Just now I see how I change- when I came back to the same environment different. There are many situation when I remember “this was the way I reacted before”… “Wow this changed!”… Example? Well - not having problem to bother people with questions, ask for roads/ buses/ information (yes.. before I wanted to do everything “by myself”)/ make jokes around with foreign people, all the time have some comments and enjoying making people at the cash/ bus drivers/ etc smile.. it s weird? Yes for Czechs and Slovaks yes but it works.. :-D

I realized I look for solutions, for opportunities, I take the chances that are coming and I am less afraid- before I was more skeptic and more kept myself back, more thinking: ”and what if” or “ what they will think about me”…Now It s more “whatever, let’s try”

And this is connected with what I want in my life what I value and what I stand for. The year abroad made me totally clear about what is important for me and what I want to do in my life- and with this are now connected all my actions.

Starting from- recovering all my friendships that I left aside because of AIESEC, school, boyfriends hobbies……. finding again way to people that meant and mean for me a lot and never told them or made them recognize that.. it really feels good when I do :) .

..helping more at home, BEING more at home.. (u cannot imagine how just this can make ma parents happy J)

And also fighting consciously for my degree and take out the good things from the university- I got excited about my topic of my thesis, I got excited about my projects aaaand I wanna do them well! That is what I did not have before- I could not take advantage of opportunities I had!

DEPRESSION

Yes – sometimes it s very easy to be positive with friends with school, with AIESEC with parents ,BUT when it comes to the love and emotions, things get more difficult..

It is very very hard to loose somebody who gave you the base, who was there for you who spent every free minute with you who just generally made u so happy that nobody never before.. and now suddenly “switched off”... It is very difficult just to accept the change…It s very difficult to connect with the person- I mean “mind-way” - when u don’t see, don’t know, don’t experience what he is doing, feeling, living.... and vice versa….

If you connect that everything with all all the culture change- life- place-people- change- shock … its like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….

And all that change makes me sad, sometimes desperate, overreacting, creating my own stories… so it happens that when I am down - I cannot make the other person happy - then 2 of us are down then :-S.. and this feels sooo baaad... :,(..Terrible circle that I want and will run away from..and make things better...somehow..hopefully.. once..

Well.. all this is something that nobody can help me in that ..maybe just Mr TIME.. this is something that I just have to overcome, accept , and go on… something difficult that again will be for something good ;)..

Sooo lets be positive and smile (as my Ro would always say :P J) Tomorrow I m going to see my sister in Prague! Great city cool people, other friends I didn’t see for looong time, amazing sister, what can be better?? :) Hugs to all my friends – close and far ones :*!!!

LaTINA back home..

My first weeks after coming back from Chile were really full of amazing and funny moments moments when I just caught myself kissing people when greeting and their surprised faces, when I met my friends back here in Slovakia and Czech Republic, when we organized Chilean dinner for all my family, or when I did the session about Argentina on last conference and made people to behave as Argentineans or let everybody drink the mate and see the faces.. well.... was very funny :)..

I realized I am enjoying the life much more then before, I see and appreciate little things and I value important people in my life more then ever before..

That is maybe also why especially during the evenings and nights I felt terribly sad.. almost crying when listening to cumbia or reggaton, feeling sorrow when watching pictures of my friends and huge pain when not getting response on my mails of the person that was one of the most important in my life..Was and IS still very hard to leave part of my life over there.. and start again here..

My mood following the sinusoid, up down, up down… feeling disconnected and incomplete in all senses possible.. that were my last weeks here during evenings and nights..

That is maybe why I wanted to write a bit more about my last weekend I spent as a chair on the local conference of Brno and Zlin. These days were really the highlight of last weeks and brought me a lot of learnings and reflection about myself..

I can say that one of my ultimate goals in AIESEC was “once to be very good inspirational chair”.. Simply because.. I knew it s not so easy at all to be good chair so it was a huge challenge for me.. as still I m introvert in my core..

I have to say that after my chairing Experience in Argentina I was not satisfied with my job.. generally the work with conference team and timing was amazing but the atmosphere creation on the stage was not ideal.. I felt like I was not “myself” and I was stressed of that and didn’t know what to do…I knew I could have said so much and I didn’t say anything, though I was talking a lot...

..so after this conference my confidence went really down, I felt as a real s**t and did not find any support in others..( as I was not asking for it neither..but anyway..)

I hoped once I would have 2nd chance to show to myself and others that I can really do it in a better way..I kind of counted on this "2^nd chance" in the local conference of Santiago.. Then they offered me instead of chairing, responsibility for the Leadership track ..well.. I liked the option of that track BUT still in my mind was : “well was I SOO bad chair that they don’t want me as here? Was it really so terrible??” and yes.. my confidence went down again..(Still the experience of manager of Leadership track was very interesting and motivational and finally I was very happy to have that role…but stil.. was not the same..and my ultimate goal was not fulfilled..)

Then I came home and in several days LCP of AIESEC Brno calls me: “Hey Tinush, don’t you want to be chair of our Local conference LTC??” ..hhh.. It came faster than I expected! :D

I took it very seriously- I already knew what mistakes I did before, I knew what information are needed what not what is valuable and what is a trash…

The thing what I was not prepared was the culture.. the Czech closed culture where the people don’t enjoy so much dancing roll calls at all, where they don’t like to scream hey @, what s up, where you cannot talk fluffy about leadership or any other thing connected cause they would take u as very random and sick person..

Soo my pre meeting with facis was kind of “getting into reality” to see what YES and what NO..and still there was more NO ;)..

Still - I have to admit that it was not so much about the preparation, neither about the Czech Culture but about my own attitude.. after 1^st day at the last conference I did not like my performance- still I was missing something more- this shaking in my stomach when I am talking about something.. In Argentina- I got scared- I got stressed.. I exaggerated…. I did not connect with the people..

Here?

I just ENJOYED! I said to myself “whatever happens lets be positive ;) ”.. and it worked! Of course there were f**k ups with technique, of course there was some forgotten things, but I took it with smile and enjoyment and I relaxed with random jokes.. and Suddenly I caught myself transmitting the message with the shaking in my body- totally sincere and transparently on the closing plenary with delegates looking up to me, smiling and quietly listening…I felt CONNECTED. I felt inspired. I felt happy..

Mission accomplished :)

Aand.. I m proud...I m proud I could overcome my personal failure , fear and again come back on the stage and BE just simply MYSELF..

I m proud that I made them to scream really LOUD hey AIESEC, I m proud all the plenary was dancing the roll calls !;) I m proud they shared I m proud they felt the excitement and motivation for the next experience..

And when I m not thinking just about chairing- I was proud on “my babies”.. My newies that we recruited when I was LCP or that started in AIESEC when I was on MC. Now I saw them on the stage in role of MC, EB faci, LCP- sooo “grown-up” with their own failures and successes behind and already with their own followers..

And to not forget-I was proud to be part of alumni.. I met there MY generation of AIESECers , my FRIENDS with huge F-R-I-E-N-D-S! I got inspired again by their stories and talks, got emotional seeing the baby of my EX EB mate :) well we are getting ooooolllddd!!! :)..

And I just could again say YES these are the people that really WANT to have in my life ! thanks, @ , for that! ;) and here s the song I love- for my friends! :*