LaTINA back home..

My first weeks after coming back from Chile were really full of amazing and funny moments moments when I just caught myself kissing people when greeting and their surprised faces, when I met my friends back here in Slovakia and Czech Republic, when we organized Chilean dinner for all my family, or when I did the session about Argentina on last conference and made people to behave as Argentineans or let everybody drink the mate and see the faces.. well.... was very funny :)..

I realized I am enjoying the life much more then before, I see and appreciate little things and I value important people in my life more then ever before..

That is maybe also why especially during the evenings and nights I felt terribly sad.. almost crying when listening to cumbia or reggaton, feeling sorrow when watching pictures of my friends and huge pain when not getting response on my mails of the person that was one of the most important in my life..Was and IS still very hard to leave part of my life over there.. and start again here..

My mood following the sinusoid, up down, up down… feeling disconnected and incomplete in all senses possible.. that were my last weeks here during evenings and nights..

That is maybe why I wanted to write a bit more about my last weekend I spent as a chair on the local conference of Brno and Zlin. These days were really the highlight of last weeks and brought me a lot of learnings and reflection about myself..

I can say that one of my ultimate goals in AIESEC was “once to be very good inspirational chair”.. Simply because.. I knew it s not so easy at all to be good chair so it was a huge challenge for me.. as still I m introvert in my core..

I have to say that after my chairing Experience in Argentina I was not satisfied with my job.. generally the work with conference team and timing was amazing but the atmosphere creation on the stage was not ideal.. I felt like I was not “myself” and I was stressed of that and didn’t know what to do…I knew I could have said so much and I didn’t say anything, though I was talking a lot...

..so after this conference my confidence went really down, I felt as a real s**t and did not find any support in others..( as I was not asking for it neither..but anyway..)

I hoped once I would have 2nd chance to show to myself and others that I can really do it in a better way..I kind of counted on this "2^nd chance" in the local conference of Santiago.. Then they offered me instead of chairing, responsibility for the Leadership track ..well.. I liked the option of that track BUT still in my mind was : “well was I SOO bad chair that they don’t want me as here? Was it really so terrible??” and yes.. my confidence went down again..(Still the experience of manager of Leadership track was very interesting and motivational and finally I was very happy to have that role…but stil.. was not the same..and my ultimate goal was not fulfilled..)

Then I came home and in several days LCP of AIESEC Brno calls me: “Hey Tinush, don’t you want to be chair of our Local conference LTC??” ..hhh.. It came faster than I expected! :D

I took it very seriously- I already knew what mistakes I did before, I knew what information are needed what not what is valuable and what is a trash…

The thing what I was not prepared was the culture.. the Czech closed culture where the people don’t enjoy so much dancing roll calls at all, where they don’t like to scream hey @, what s up, where you cannot talk fluffy about leadership or any other thing connected cause they would take u as very random and sick person..

Soo my pre meeting with facis was kind of “getting into reality” to see what YES and what NO..and still there was more NO ;)..

Still - I have to admit that it was not so much about the preparation, neither about the Czech Culture but about my own attitude.. after 1^st day at the last conference I did not like my performance- still I was missing something more- this shaking in my stomach when I am talking about something.. In Argentina- I got scared- I got stressed.. I exaggerated…. I did not connect with the people..

Here?

I just ENJOYED! I said to myself “whatever happens lets be positive ;) ”.. and it worked! Of course there were f**k ups with technique, of course there was some forgotten things, but I took it with smile and enjoyment and I relaxed with random jokes.. and Suddenly I caught myself transmitting the message with the shaking in my body- totally sincere and transparently on the closing plenary with delegates looking up to me, smiling and quietly listening…I felt CONNECTED. I felt inspired. I felt happy..

Mission accomplished :)

Aand.. I m proud...I m proud I could overcome my personal failure , fear and again come back on the stage and BE just simply MYSELF..

I m proud that I made them to scream really LOUD hey AIESEC, I m proud all the plenary was dancing the roll calls !;) I m proud they shared I m proud they felt the excitement and motivation for the next experience..

And when I m not thinking just about chairing- I was proud on “my babies”.. My newies that we recruited when I was LCP or that started in AIESEC when I was on MC. Now I saw them on the stage in role of MC, EB faci, LCP- sooo “grown-up” with their own failures and successes behind and already with their own followers..

And to not forget-I was proud to be part of alumni.. I met there MY generation of AIESECers , my FRIENDS with huge F-R-I-E-N-D-S! I got inspired again by their stories and talks, got emotional seeing the baby of my EX EB mate :) well we are getting ooooolllddd!!! :)..

And I just could again say YES these are the people that really WANT to have in my life ! thanks, @ , for that! ;) and here s the song I love- for my friends! :*