How does it feel...

It s already one month at home so I maybe just wanted to share some things how it is for me to be here now in Czech Republic coming back from Latin America.. here are some words that characterize my stay here..

SURPRISE

Yes surprised from me and the world around.. surprised from so many little things I never realized before. Surprised that before it was so much OK and now its soooo DIFFERENT.. examples…

I never realized how tall are the people here!!! Especially the guys! My god! I never perceived us as tall nation but now I get into the bus and all of them are as tall as I am or taller what in Chile I could see faar faaar in the metro or in the bus J… shock!

I never realized how much make-up our girls wear! I never realized how much they care about themselves! But also really - how pretty they are J! And how many BLOND girls we have! Really I never notices we have some many “rubias”…:P

I never realized how much hard rock, rock and metal we listen.. I was waiting for something kind of more “danceable” at the disco.. I would have beg for reggeaton or salsa in that time! This was too much “drummy” and “hard” and.. well.. European……:P..

I never realized that we really over –over-heat the houses.. I know we talked about that we use a lot of heating but this is too much! (Now I have to say I m in my dormitory room- outside like 0 degrees inside like 26..) I almost died in the bus backhome where was soo hot that I was sitting just in T-shirt and my lips got totally dry, although I had a bottle of water.. this is TOO MUCH energy wasting!

HOW RICH WE ARE! . Generally- the state social system very much supporting the poor families, people without jobs, children without parents etc etc- here who does not want to be on the street has many choices not to be- many choices to get back into life, to have a roof and food and support... When I see “our” homeless here- each of them- is totally wasted, drunk.. totally totally totally..from the morning to the evening.. and many of them- woman/ man have bloddy faces.. they are rude and noisy..

These people made a choice to be on the street and this I somehow never realized before I saw a real POVERTY… I hear people complaining here.. I would just make them to shut up.. they don´t know how LUCKY they are that they have roof above their head and everyday something to eat… we were talking with Evca Mikita she said: “ I would send every person from here to India to see and wake up” yes.. could be cool :)

CONFUSION

I came back to something what was well known before, I have the same dormitories, same roomie ;) same school, I live in the same city, have the same friends.. aaand guess what? It s not the same ! Suddenly I just realized that now I CANNOT live the same life I lived before .. simply because now other things make me happy, I have another priorities and requirements..

PERSONAL CHANGE

Just now I see how I change- when I came back to the same environment different. There are many situation when I remember “this was the way I reacted before”… “Wow this changed!”… Example? Well - not having problem to bother people with questions, ask for roads/ buses/ information (yes.. before I wanted to do everything “by myself”)/ make jokes around with foreign people, all the time have some comments and enjoying making people at the cash/ bus drivers/ etc smile.. it s weird? Yes for Czechs and Slovaks yes but it works.. :-D

I realized I look for solutions, for opportunities, I take the chances that are coming and I am less afraid- before I was more skeptic and more kept myself back, more thinking: ”and what if” or “ what they will think about me”…Now It s more “whatever, let’s try”

And this is connected with what I want in my life what I value and what I stand for. The year abroad made me totally clear about what is important for me and what I want to do in my life- and with this are now connected all my actions.

Starting from- recovering all my friendships that I left aside because of AIESEC, school, boyfriends hobbies……. finding again way to people that meant and mean for me a lot and never told them or made them recognize that.. it really feels good when I do :) .

..helping more at home, BEING more at home.. (u cannot imagine how just this can make ma parents happy J)

And also fighting consciously for my degree and take out the good things from the university- I got excited about my topic of my thesis, I got excited about my projects aaaand I wanna do them well! That is what I did not have before- I could not take advantage of opportunities I had!

DEPRESSION

Yes – sometimes it s very easy to be positive with friends with school, with AIESEC with parents ,BUT when it comes to the love and emotions, things get more difficult..

It is very very hard to loose somebody who gave you the base, who was there for you who spent every free minute with you who just generally made u so happy that nobody never before.. and now suddenly “switched off”... It is very difficult just to accept the change…It s very difficult to connect with the person- I mean “mind-way” - when u don’t see, don’t know, don’t experience what he is doing, feeling, living.... and vice versa….

If you connect that everything with all all the culture change- life- place-people- change- shock … its like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….

And all that change makes me sad, sometimes desperate, overreacting, creating my own stories… so it happens that when I am down - I cannot make the other person happy - then 2 of us are down then :-S.. and this feels sooo baaad... :,(..Terrible circle that I want and will run away from..and make things better...somehow..hopefully.. once..

Well.. all this is something that nobody can help me in that ..maybe just Mr TIME.. this is something that I just have to overcome, accept , and go on… something difficult that again will be for something good ;)..

Sooo lets be positive and smile (as my Ro would always say :P J) Tomorrow I m going to see my sister in Prague! Great city cool people, other friends I didn’t see for looong time, amazing sister, what can be better?? :) Hugs to all my friends – close and far ones :*!!!